Medical; 622 Jokes

Temper problem

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such
a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with
people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Complaining

A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is
several times more per hour then we get paid for
medical care."
"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same
model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have
to keep up to date with new models coming every
month."

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
take patient

Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature?
Nurse: No. Is it missing?

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Nomonia ho gaya

Patient: Doctor ap ko yakeen hai k mujhay
Namoonia (pneumonia) hai, kyun k pichlay dino aik
doctor meri friend ka Namoonia ka ilaaj karta raha
aur woh Typhoid say mar gayi.
Munna: Haan ray meray ko akha yaqeen hai, tu
namoonia say hi maray ga.

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Dard kahan hai

Munna: Bolay to darad kahan hai apko?
Patient (F): Pooray badan mien hai
Munna: Yeh kaisay ho sakta hai ray, kuch detail
batao.
Patient: Tocuhes her right knee and says here,
then touches her earlobe and says here, then
touches her left cheek and says here, etc.
Munna: Aesay hi khaali peeli tension de reli hai,
teri finger mien dard hai.

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Aik patient

Aik patient Munnabhai k paas aaya, Munna nay us
ka chekup kiya aur bola
Munna: Tumharay pass ziyada waqt nahi hai
Patient: Meray pass kitna time hai.
Munna: Dus (10)
Patient: Kya Dus.... Minute..... Ghantay..........
Din......?
Munna: No (9), Aath (8), Saat (7),......

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Wo Doctor K Pas Gai…

1 Makhi Ki Halat Bohat Kharab Thi Wo Doctor K Pas Gai…

Doctor:Kiya Howa ?

Makhi: Bas Chae Mein Gir Gai Thi
1 “*MEMON” Ne Choos Choos K Bura Haal Kar Diya

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
A old snake goes to see his Doctor

A old snake goes to see his Doctor.

"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days".
The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"

"The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Dost ne Mujhe Hospital Jane ka Kaha

Dost ne Mujhe Hospital Jane ka Kaha
Main Hospital Chala Gaya
...
Wahan 2 Drwazay The

1 Par “Khas bemari” aur 1 par “Mamoli Bemari” Likha tha

Mujhe Mamoli Bemari thi is Liye Main Mamoli Bemari Wale Room main Chala Gaya

Wahan Bhi 2 Darwaze the 1 Par “Khaas Aadmi” aur 1 par Aam Aadmi likha tha

Main Gharib Aadmi Tha is liye Aam Aadmi Wale Door se Andar Chala Gaya

Andar Gaya to !dekha ke Main Hospital se Bahar Tha.

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Kia Doctor sahib ne abhi tak neend ki goli

Pathan (Nurse se): Kia Doctor sahib ne abhi tak neend ki goli nahi bhaiji?
Nurse: Nahii
.
Pathan: Usay kaho jaldi karo, mujhe neend arahi hai, mai goliyon ke lie owr nahi jaag sakta

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
munna Bhai- aray Circit yeh doctor

munna Bhai- aray Circit yeh doctor log operation se pahle patient ko behosh kyun karte hai ?
Circit- bhai bole to patient operaton sikh jayega to.

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Sardar: Doctor Sahib poray jism mai kahin

Sardar: Doctor Sahib poray jism mai kahin bhi ungli lagawon tu boht dard hota hai
Doctor did X-ray of his all body and found that he has FRACTURE in his FINGER

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Pathan Doctor Se: Mere Wazan Bhot Ho Gaya Hai

Pathan Doctor Se: Mere Wazan Bhot Ho Gaya Hai
Doctor: Tum Rozana 5 kilo Meter Padel Chalo
1 Saal Baad pathan Ne Doctor Ko Call Ki,
O Tera Khana kharab khabees Wazan Tu Kam Ho Gaya Hai
Magar Hum
“AFGHANISTAN” Puchnch Gaya Hai

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
1 Pagal hr wqt bolta rehta tha

1 Pagal hr wqt bolta rehta tha
Ghulail bnaoun ga aur Chirya ko maron ga!
1 din usko Paglon k Doctor k pas ly gaye aur us ka elaj ho gya.
Dr: AB KYA KRO GY?
Pagal:Shadi kron ga, Nokri dhoondon ga, Ghr bsaon ga
Dr: Very Nice! Phir kya kro gy
Pagal: Bchchon ko achhy school bhejon ga,
Un ka birthday mnaon ga, Nekr aur Shirt gift ayegi.
Dr: Good Good! Phir
Pagal: Un ki Nekr sy Elastic nikalon ga,
phir
Ghulail bnaoun ga aur Chirya ko maron ga

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)

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