Medical; 622 Jokes
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room.
He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing.
The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"
The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing.
Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb."
The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.
The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"
Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office. Was it true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication the doctor had prescribed was for the rest of her life? She was told that it was.
There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'".
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Some surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to opperate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."
The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."
The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and ass are interchangable."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
or his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered
a cake with this inscription:
"You are not getting older,
You are just getting better."
When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said,
"Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top,
and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom."
It wasn't until the good doctor was ready
to serve the cake that he discovered it read:
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP,
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
This guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he ended up having a complete sex change.
All of the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news.
Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him.
"Oh no!" he moaned, "this means I`ll never be able to experience an erection ever again!"
"Of course you will," one of the doctors soothed. It`ll just have to be someone else`s, that`s all."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Santa`s father comes home from his doctor and, though usually quite active with his grand-children, seems to make every effort to avoid them this day.
Santa notices his dad avoiding the kids and asks him why this is so.
Immediately the old man whisks his medicine prescription out of his pocket and hands it to Santa.
His father said, "Read that label. That`s why!"
Santa takes the bottle and reads, "Take two pills a day. KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A doctor had just delivered twins. They were a boy and a girl.
The head nurse brought them out for their father to see.
He could hardly believe his good fortune. The girl baby had a pink blanket wrapped around her and the boy baby was enclosed in a blue blanket.
He took one step forward just so he could touch the babies and believe they had finally arrived.
As he started to touch them the nurse took a step backwards and said, "You can`t touch those babies. You aren`t sterile!"
With out missing a beat, he retorted "You`re telling ME I`m not sterile?!"
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room.
He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing.
The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”
The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing.
Patient #1 replied, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a lightbulb.”
The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2’s face is going all red.
The doctor asks Patient #1, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself”
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!”
Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.”
She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’?”
His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A young woman wasn`t feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician.
"I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that."
The woman went to the doctor`s office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced. "I`m back!"
Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, "Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"
"What did he say? What`s he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Two women were sitting in the doctor`s waiting room comparing notes on their
various disorders.
"I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the first, "But I guess it is impossible."
"I used to feel just the same way," said the second. "But then everything changed. That`s why I`m here. I`m going to have a baby in three months."
"You must tell me what you did."
"I went to a faith healer."
"But I`ve tried that. My husband and I
went to one for nearly a year and it didn`t help a bit."
The other woman smiled and whispered, "Try going alone, next time, dearie."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Doctor ne marez se kaha.main ek mahn se 50 rope ki rozana dawa kha raha hun lekin muje koi fayda nazar nahi aa raha.
doctor .....acha to main ap ko kal se& 40 rope ki dawai dun ga.jis se ap ko roz ka 10 rope ka fayda& nazar aye ga.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Marez:doctor se mere danton main dard rehta hay or ab to danto main kerah bhi lag gya hay.bataye doctor sahib main kya karon?
Doctor….aap aik mahn tak ras or chay lein is ke alawa kuch na khayein .
Aik mahn tak marez rozana sirf or sirf chaye or ras par guzara karta raha magar aik din ras& khatam ho gye jis par marez ne socha ke chalo aj main sirf chaye pee leta hun.aaj guzara ho hi jaye ga.kal ras le aaon ga magar
kere ko acha na laga,foran bahir nikal kar kehne laga
Uncle aj ras nahi hay kya.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of a very good one in Sweden, and went to him.
The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, "Yes, I can put you right."
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.
The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, "You bastard, you gave me a woman`s ears."
"Well, an ear is an ear, it makes no difference whether it is a man`s or a woman`s."
"You`re wrong, I hear everything, but I don`t understand a thing!"
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)