Medical; 622 Jokes

You're In Great Health

Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be eighty.

Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now.

Doctor: See, what did I tell you.

by (few years ago!)
Do You Have A Solution?

A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.

Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?

Dentist: Wear a brown tie!

by (few years ago!)
Can I Play The Piano Once These Are Off?

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.

"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?"

"I don't see why not," replies the doctor.

"That's funny," says the man. "I wasn't able to play it before.

by (few years ago!)
Benefits Of Having Alzheimer's Disease

5. You never have to watch reruns on television.

4. You are always meeting new people.

3. You don't have to remember the whines and complaints of your spouse.

2. You can hide your own Easter eggs.

1. Mysteries are always interesting.

by (few years ago!)
Bad Temper Problem

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.

Doctor: Tell me about your problem.

Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!!

by (few years ago!)
A Doctor Is Complaining To A Mechanic

A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."

"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."

by (few years ago!)
Did You Take The Patient's Temperature?

Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature?
Nurse: No. Is it missing?

by (few years ago!)

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