28 International Rules Of Manhood
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!) / 1221 views
Similar Jokes
Boy to his mom:"Mumma mai kaise paida hua.. ??
.
Mom:"Maine 1 bartan me mitti daal kar rakh di,
kuch din baad usme se tum mujhe mile..
.
Bache ne aisa hi kiya..
Ab kuch din baad usne jakar dekhato usme 1 mendak tha..
.
.
Bacha:"gusse se dil to karta hai ke Saale..
tujhe goli mar du, par kya karu ??
Aulad hai tu meri :D
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
“Aqwaal-e-Zareen”
Kbhi yeh mat socho k tumhari Girl Friend ne tumhe kitna romantic msg bheja hy. Hamesha yeh socho k usy kisne bheja hoga
by Mazhar Khan (few years ago!)
Ajooj Majooj
Yes Sir
Zakoota
Yes Sir
Darakoola
Yes Sir
Iblees
Yes Sir
.
.
.
.
Zardari
!
!
!
!
!
Sir Wo Pakistan lootney giya hua hai.
by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY, WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES..
MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD, MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI, MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON. SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!
by nadeem (few years ago!)
Jee bhar k rone de aaj mujhe
Ae
=bhai g=
1 hi Larki Ka nmbr tha namaz k bad MOLVI ki baaton me aa k delete Kar diya.
('-')
<( )>
//
by Mazhar Khan (few years ago!)
Frnd:Sardar g set nawa lita?
Sardar: apni kzn da chukiya ae.
Frnd: O kyun?
Sardar: yaar ohjadun v mildi c kendi c
“tu mera fone Q nai chukda?”
by tanveer hussain (few years ago!)
Argentina ka Messi, Brazil ka Kaka...
Wah waaa wah waaa!!
Argentina ka Messi, Brazil ka Kaka...
Dono team baahar...
Ab karo WAKA WAKA!!
by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Pathan ne illegal dewar bnai
Ksi ne kaha kuch aisa kro k dewar purani lge
Pathan ne dewar pe likh dia
Hum QUAID E AZAM ko peshawr any pr khush amdid khty hain.
by hearthackervsgirls (few years ago!)
Why is Salman Khan disturbed these days?
Usi girlfriend jawaan ho gayi hai,aur bhabhi badnaam ho gayi hai…
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Patient: Doctor ap ko yakeen hai k mujhay Namoonia (pneumonia) hai, kyun k pichlay dino aik doctor meri friend ka Namoonia ka ilaaj karta raha aur woh Typhoid say mar gayi.
Munna: Haan ray meray ko akha yaqeen hai, tu namoonia say hi maray ga.
by Mohammad Ali (few years ago!)