Search Results for '1'
The teacher of the school geography class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked:
"Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"
After a confused silence, little Johnny volunteered - "I guess you'd be eating alone!"
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $100.00.
Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?
Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
An old woman is going up in a lift in a very Lavish department store when a young, beautiful woman gets in, smelling of expensive scent. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly "Romance by Ralph Lauren, £100 a bottle."
Then another young woman gets in the lift, She also turns to the old woman and says snootily "Chanel No 5, £150 a bottle."
A few floors later, the old woman has reached her destination. As she gets out, she looks both woman in the eye, then turns round, bends over and farts, saying "Broccoli, 25p a pound."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 10?
A lawyer.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 15?
Your honor.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge's chambers, demanding that the case be reopened, saying: "I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client's defense."
The judge asked, "What new evidence could you have?"
The lawyer replied, "My client has an extra $10,000, and I just found out about it!"
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
There was this biologist who was doing some experiments with frogs. He was measuring just how far frogs could jump. So he puts a frog on a line and says "Jump frog, jump!". The frog jumps 2 feet. He writes in his lab book: 'Frog with 4 legs - jumps 2 feet'.
Next he chops off one of the legs and repeats the experiment. "Jump frog jump!" he says. The frog manages to jump 1.5 feet. So he writes in his lab book: 'Frog with 3 legs - jumps 1.5 feet'.
He chops off another and the frog only jumps 1 foot. He writes in his book: 'Frog with 2 legs jumps 1 foot'.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach,
but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
10) Cats' facial expressions.
9) The need for the same style of shoes in many different colors.
8) Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7) “Fat” clothes.
6) Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5) The difference between beige, off-white and eggshell.
4) Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3) Eyelash curlers.
2) The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
1) Other women.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
ATTITUDE :
1. Open a new file in your PC .
2. Name it " Boss "
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently? "
6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....
7. Feel better?
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
How was your blind date ? " a college student asked her roommate.
" Terrible ! " the roommate answered. " He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce".
" Wow! That's a very expensive car. What 's so bad
about that ? "
"He was the original owner."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Man to wife on wedding night: "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with ? "
Wife replied: " Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others !"
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If its in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If its broken, it's yours.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Five reasons to believe computers are females :
1.No one but the creator understands their internal logic.
2.The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3.The message 'Bad command or file name' is about as informative as 'If you don't know why I am mad at you, then I am certainly not going to tell you.'
4.As soon as you make a commitment to one,you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.
5.Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)